Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Unique Randomness

My random thoughts...brought to you once a week!

Most of my ideas for this blog come while working out at the gym. For this week’s Unique Randomness, I wanted to describe the various people I see while exercising. I’m sure some of them will be very familiar to you.
  • The Notebook: You know this guy/girl. Notebook just annoys me. Must you always carry around your little tablet, charting every single activity?
  • Clinique: The name says it all. Clinique is the lady who shows up at the gym fully make-uped. She’s probably a 7, but thinks she’s a 10. Amazingly, sweat doesn’t stand a chance against this foundation.
  • The Prancer: Usually a dude in his early to mid-20’s. The Prancer generally rocks the sleeveless shirt, in large part to showcase his sculpted guns. He spends three hours at the gym, only devoting about 10 minutes to an actual workout. His ideal mate is Clinique.
  • Grunt: Wishes he was more like Prancer. Grunt has a low self-esteem and knows of only one way to get attention. You guessed it…he grunts. Grunt grunts during 5lb. dumb bell curls. Grunt likes the ladies, but the ladies do not like Grunt. And both men and women absolutely hate the excessive grunting.
  • Wedding Planner: She’s a nice, respectable lady…who has deemed herself about 8 pounds overweight. Wedding Planner blows massive amounts of cash on trainers and worships the Prancer’s sculpted guns. Those sculpted guns would look great in her strapless wedding dress. WP works her ass off for about two months…never to be seen from again.
  • Quarterly Report: She shows up January 1st and is gone by the end of March. She arrives 10 pounds overweight and leaves 15 pounds overweight.
  • Lollypop: Dude is super huge up top and toothpick down low. He can bench 350lbs, but gets winded walking up steps. Lollypop also fancies Clinique.
  • The Wanderer: The ugly cousin of The Prancer. The guy spends most of his time roaming around the gym, peering at machines. He shows up about once a week, has a gut, and unfortunately wears sleeveless shirts as well.
  • Die Hard: Could be male or female. Die Hard is that rare combination…full dedication to cardio and lifting. Die Hard never skips a day, has 7% body fat, but has no family or friends.
  • Old Sauna Guy: Hard to stomach, but you know who I’m talking about. He’s about 70, strictly goes to the gym to sit in the sauna and walk around the locker room completely naked. Old Sauna Guy is a detriment to society.


The Carter's said...

I was a Wedding Planner way back when. Then I saw Sam Malone (of KRBE infamy) and decided I'd rather be fat than see him sweaty again.

Love your blog.


Kevin said...

I think I've got a little Wanderer in me. At least I'm not Old Sauna Guy.

Casey said...

Seriously Kevin...we must be having "cousin" thoughts b/c I too go to the gym and put people in categories!

One more to add...
The Socialite-spends 60 mins on the eliptical machine...59 while conversing on her phone with unknown source. Not wanting to interrupt the flow of conversation with heavy breathing, TS's cardio speed is at a pace of a turtle and never actually breaks a sweat. One must note that TS is purely there to be seen and does this act at prime hours when there is a line on all cardio machines.

Amy P said...

These are all very accurate descriptions of why I do not belong to a gym! The only other character who hangs out where I work out is the dog, and he just lays on the couch and pouts that I have on running shoes but am not taking him for a walk. :)

Kevin said...

@Casey...The Socialite is Clinique with an inheritance. I know exacty the person you are talking about.

@Amy...although this people do annoy me, it's still entertaining.